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| Early stages of Devina |
I've been thinking back lately to pivotal moments in my sissy life, where I came to major crossroads and chose a path that left me no return. One I always look back fondly now is coming to the conclusion that I needed to pursue my submission from a sissy perspective, as continuing to be a panty boi male subbie was a a path of diminishing returns.
Since I've always thought of myself as a bit of a lone wolf type, it didn't make much sense to carry on in any male submissive role as beyond the foundational training Mistress Morganna had provided, simply to be one male subbie in a filthy sea of icky males. Being a sissy provided many things to my soul, but it also provided a much less crowded place to try and discover myself and to hopefully grow. I had no idea back then what I would even become, as I certainly never imagined it would be where I am today. But I knew I needed to find someplace else in the BDSM world and admitting to myself and to Mistress Morganna and then Lady Diva Cane that I didn't just want to be a sissy, I needed to be a sissy in order to discover myself.
In realizing my inner sissy and being able to have the opportunity for Devina to blossom and grow, my love for Women has only deepened as my sissy journey has continued. Even when I reached the point of acceptance that vanilla sex with Women was becoming of less and less value in my life, and admitting that my desires for Shecock was becoming more and more of value in my life, my sincere love of Women only grew as it moved away from sexual and more towards spiritual. My empathy began to increase, my desire to bond spiritually with Women in the special ways that Women do, became noticeable to me. I realized that I was much more a sissy lesbian than anything, even if I could no longer muster the energy to chase Women in any vanilla capacity. No, relationships with Women would now be unique, and from a place where I was always a bottom to Them, and that was something that I would discover was very fulfilling.
But it was sissy chastity in many ways that brought it all into focus. No longer consumed with thoughts of self pleasuring that thing between my legs, chastity brought things far more into focus of what my emotional needs and spiritual needs are. The eventual experience of my first hands free sissygasm only served to reinforce that my decision was right all along. There has been no experience that could compare as a male to the sensations felt experiencing my first true sissygasm, and the joy it brought me to know that I could finally cum like a Woman. It only brought me closer to the Women I'm able to share my sissylife with, which is so wonderful.
Dominant Women tend to have special places in Their world for Their sissy gurls, and the more you show them that you want to be in that place, the more you earn your way into that place, the more magical and wonderful it becomes to find yourself within it. For me there was no other logical choice. One could say being a sissy was my destiny...
Sincerely Sissy
Devina
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