There Was Really No Other Choice

 

Early stages of Devina

I've been thinking back lately to pivotal moments in my sissy life, where I came to major crossroads and chose a path that left me no return. One I always look back fondly now is coming to the conclusion that I needed to pursue my submission from a sissy perspective, as continuing to be a panty boi male subbie was a a path of diminishing returns.

Since I've always thought of myself as a bit of a lone wolf type, it didn't make much sense to carry on in any male submissive role as beyond the foundational training Mistress Morganna had provided, simply to be one male subbie in a filthy sea of icky males. Being a sissy provided many things to my soul, but it also provided a much less crowded place to try and discover myself and to hopefully grow. I had no idea back then what I would even become, as I certainly never imagined it would be where I am today. But I knew I needed to find someplace else in the BDSM world and admitting to myself and to Mistress Morganna and then Lady Diva Cane that I didn't just want to be a sissy, I needed to be a sissy in order to discover myself.

 

In realizing my inner sissy and being able to have the opportunity for Devina to blossom and grow, my love for Women has only deepened as my sissy journey has continued. Even when I reached the point of acceptance that vanilla sex with Women was becoming of less and less value in my life, and admitting that my desires for Shecock was becoming more and more of value in my life, my sincere love of Women only grew as it moved away from sexual and more towards spiritual. My empathy began to increase, my desire to bond spiritually with Women in the special ways that Women do, became noticeable to me. I realized that I was much more a sissy lesbian than anything, even if I could no longer muster the energy to chase Women in any vanilla capacity. No, relationships with Women would now be unique, and from a place where I was always a bottom to Them, and that was something that I would discover was very fulfilling.

 

But it was sissy chastity in many ways that brought it all into focus. No longer consumed with thoughts of self pleasuring that thing between my legs, chastity brought things far more into focus of what my emotional needs and spiritual needs are. The eventual experience of my first hands free sissygasm only served to reinforce that my decision was right all along. There has been no experience that could compare as a male to the sensations felt experiencing my first true sissygasm, and the joy it brought me to know that I could finally cum like a Woman. It only brought me closer to the Women I'm able to share my sissylife with, which is so wonderful.

Dominant Women tend to have special places in Their world for Their sissy gurls, and the more you show them that you want to be in that place, the more you earn your way into that place, the more magical and wonderful it becomes to find yourself within it. For me there was no other logical choice. One could say being a sissy was my destiny...

 

Sincerely Sissy

Devina 

A Sissy Should Always be Health Conscious

 

Sissy Life Archives - Taking More Steps Out of the Shadows

 Originally posted Aug 9, 2020

 

 One of the lovely things about social media profiles as a sissy is the ability to create new network of friends and like minded people to interact with and grow with. As a sissy it's also a way to quietly and slowly integrate one's vanilla life a bit more with their sissylife by trying to bring some people you know or have known before into one's sissy world in the hopes they are open minded to accept you then interact with you as the person you are on the inside as well.

My sissylife has always been very carefully managed for a number of reasons. Where I live, the joke is that there are 2 degrees of separation, and this is certainly true. It takes no time at all to connect with someone who knows someone and voila, everyone can know quite a lot in a hurry. So my vanilla life growing up and becoming who I was and what I did and do, before the fundamental change to accept and create a world where Devina could not only exist but have a life of her own, needed to be kept apart. This is not unusual for anyone who has struggled with gender/lifestyle issues whatsoever.

For me to come out and say to everyone, "Tada! Hey I'm a sissified TGirl lover" would ultimately create massive problems for many, and for me just isn't an option at this point in life. The discrete carefully managed approach is best and this I know. It still doesn't mean I don't crave having people from one world discover the other. When I can manage this, it becomes a joy.

 

Outside of my BDSM/kink world, I am so happy to have about a half dozen Women in my social media life who knowingly or unknowingly have known both sides of the complete me, and I keep trying to grow that number but it can be a scary thing. Sending a FB invite as Devina to someone you once dated can be terrifying, and many times has not born fruit but I keep hoping for more acceptance. To those select few that are in Devina's social circle, please know that while you may not realize it, I value your acceptance in ways that are hard to even share in words. I hope to add to those numbers as time goes on.

A journey into a world of Femininity is never easy as a gurl, but even now, I happily find myself at a place that was once unimaginable. One step at a time is always the way forward.

Sincerely Sissy 

Devina

Your Terms are Acceptable

 

One Million - The Road Back

 

If you don't know, this is the second version of my blog after gewgel suddenly , without warning, and without explanation (even when challenged) nuked my blog after 11 1/2 years. That first blog had over 9.7 million views and I was crushed. I came very close to throwing in the towel.

But it was my need to have my sissy story "forevered" in the internet, so that there was no denying who I always was. So, I started all over again, except this time I had the weight of my own name being shadowbanned by gewgel on all levels.

The growth of this blog was slow, painfully slow. You couldn't search my name for months and find any traces to me of this new blog. But I soldiered on, day after day, re-establishing my foot hold. The first months were depressing with 3-5k views per month, then for months it felt like my traffic was throttled at 10k, then 15k. For over a year I couldn't get over 15k views no matter what I tried. 

It took over 2 years to hit 500 000 views. I kept going on.

The this Feb something happened, other search engine traffic came alive and the numbers started growing, slowly then suddenly. Now only 9 months after taking more than 2 years to hit 500 000 views, I've gone over 1 000 000 as of this morning. Between this blog and my old one, I've gone over 10 million.

Thank you to everyone who has helped me rebuild this place where the sissy life, my story, and my love of Women and Trans Women can be celebrated. 

Our Worst Nightmare & the Fears we all Face

 

This week's scandalous news brought forth an example of every sissy's worst nightmare: Being publicly outed

I don't have the time, or energy to delve into the details of Kristi Noem's relationship(s), Her husband's activities etc. But this week, every sissy, every crossdresser, and every panty boi has felt within them the reminder of the terror we have all felt at either being caught, or the fear of being caught. It's very real.

 From the very first time we explore with Women's underwear, lingerie, or clothing, there is an overriding sense of hyper awareness of the fear of being caught, and exposed. Perhaps today the stigma has relaxed somewhat, but you don't have to go back very far at all to the place where the iron clad stigma was severe and devastating to all those around you if your "secret" was discovered.

I shared and re-shared my own experience of being caught both here and also here. Being caught can have very real and devastating effects on you's life, one's mental health, and one's journey to discover their true selves in their Feminine journey.

The biggest problem is society makes massive broad assumptions of anyone who gets caught (against their wishes) and fetishists, crossdressers, sissies, and budding Tgurls get painted with a very wide brush. The truth of the matter is that anyone exploring their desires around Women's clothing and their own sexuality can all come from vastly different places, with different paths, needs, and outcomes. There simply is no one size fits all.

 

Miss Kendra James put it very simply but very well. And thats why I really don't have a desire to psycho-analyze the actions of Kristi Noem's husband. I will say that there are many different doors that can be opened, and they can be grouped into the following:

Fetish/Kink Play: this can include humiliation, ridicule, feelings of inadequacy etc.. At some point we all likely have started here. My guess is a large percentage of play orientated folks don't progress much past this point

Crossdressing: Can start as a deep seated need to explore hyper Feminine things, probably rooted from a deeper place psychologically, but not yet understood. Fetish players can often progress to this stage and by and large the biggest percentage stay within the above two categories. The basic desires to walk the line of kink/humiliation/exposure for perverse pleasure are main drivers here.

 

 Beyond this stage, things begin to involve a deeper understanding of oneself and one can really begin a journey far beyond their initial starting point.

Sissy Life / Journey:  When one begins to ask internal questions as to why and how they have this unshakable need to explore their Femininity, then does one's Sissy Life really begin. (even before we really understand it as such) The initial kinks, and thrills remain, but now those of us who begin to associate themselves in having a part of them they are unable to "put away". This is where exploration can run rampant, with a wide variety of avenues to explore. It's like being a teenager in a sense, as everything is new and fun!

But there is one thing that never goes away and in many cases as we get older, and deeper into our sissy selves, it can be more harmful. The threat of being outed.

 I've often admire those who embrace their sissy selves and are in a position in life to cast aside any embarrassment of exposure and openly reveal themselves. I have to walk a fine line due to personal and professional landmines in the field I'd love to tapdance in.  And in a sense, back to the subject matter story of this post, I feel terrible for those who are in high profile positions who set traps for themselves.  Do they want to be outed and purposely set their own traps? Are they so consumed with their kinks and obsessions that they are blind to the very real and lasting damage than can happen?  It's probably somewhere in between and too deep of a psycho-analysis to get into. 

But one thing that I do know is that TRUST is a huge factor in when and how sissies, crossdressers, and kinksters can step out of the shadow to reveal themselves. Placing your trust in the wrong people can be a recipe for disaster, and the utmost care should always be taken when opening your trust circle.

 It's taken me a lifetime to amass a circle of Female friends who I have revealed my deepest secrets to, and all these years later that number has yet to hit double digits. I wish I could expand that group to dozens, but I always am aware of the risks. Being a sissy is hard work in so many aspects and I understand why so many stay in the kink/play part of the lifestyle. Sissy rewards are amazing but the path is full of pitfalls, and disaster waiting to strike. 

As we have seen this week, you can't un-ring a bell

 

Devina 

 

 

 

Who Thinks About it More?

 

If you're a sissy, have you ever wondered how much you think of cock compared to every day Women? Do you think it's even a close ratio? Based on my own daily thoughts it's probably not even remotely close!

There are a few accepted non-negotiables in today's world for all sissies. The main two pillars of sissy life are sissy chastity and that ALL sissies at some point, preferably early, in their journey MUST know what cock tastes like.

  If cock has not touched your lips, you simply are that the point in your journey where you are a crossdresser. There is nothing wrong with that, but the mantle of "sissy" means something more. Something deeper in your journey that you cannot return from. 

I won't get into why some sissies prefer different types of cock, for that is a far deeper dive into the psyche of sissies, but as most who follow my blog know, Shecock is my default and only setting, so I will approach this from the only POV I know.

 I purposely update my blog in the mornings. One of the main reasons is it gives me the opportunity to start thinking of Shecock at the start of my day. There have been many times (and it's an ongoing thing) where I'm dreaming of Shecock even before I wake. This has been a key pillar of my long term sexual rewiring of my sissy brain to bring me to the point where my sexual desires are fully and completely focused on Shecock. Beginning the day is the first step to thinking about Shecock numerous times throughout my day, 24/7/365.

 

Thinking of Shecock throughout my day is like having your secret best friend always by your side. It's a constant reminder of who and what you really are. It conditions your thoughts and actions in your daily life to avoid old disgusting habits once caused by your emasculated male ego. You can quickly and effectively center your sissy brain by reminding yourself at various times in your day that you are a sissy cocksucker. It's a powerful self motivational tool to keep yourself in line as per your Domme's training and wishes!

 I don't know to what degree Women think of sucking cock, but based on discussions with Lady Diva, the ratio might be 100-1000:1 between sissies and Women.  Thats something to be proud of as a sissy. It's something that sets us apart in the Female/TGirl/sissy hierarchy. 

Embrace your cock loving thoughts. It's what makes you special!

 

Devina 

 

Morning Sissy Affirmations

 

Affirmations

 

This Morning on FDTV - XXXmas Guide

 

Motivational Posters We Wish We Had

 

It's a Lifelong Journey...

 

Happy International (used to be) men's Day

 

Weekend Wisdom

 

Science Starting to Explain Sissy Shecock Addiction

 

 What is Gynandromorphophilia?   

The official definition is: Those of male genitalia who are sexually attracted to transgender women, but common beliefs have much to add. The ready-made remark speaks of repressed homosexuals who, refusing to have relationships with other men for fear of being outed, hypocritically take shelter in the arms and legs of transwomen.

Although this theory seems obvious to most, there are two major problems: it feels strongly transphobic and it is simply not true. Let’s start from the latter using the Hsu-Rosenthal-Miller-Bailey’s study published in the medical journal Psychological Medicine and titled “Who are the gynandromorphophilic ?”

The scientists recruited males who were looking for sex on the internet with other men, cisgender women (females whose gender identity match the sex assigned at birth), and transsexual women (females whose sex assigned at birth was male but identify psychologically and emotionally as women). The candidates had to declare their level of excitement toward other men, cisgender and transgender women. Then they had to watch pornographic movies in which men, cisgender or trans-women were having sex, while a machine measured the swelling of their penis.

The first thing the study demonstrated was that everyone’s arousal patterns matched the type declared in the initial phase, eliminating the  “I say one thing but another” factor. In fact, homosexual’s arousal patterns were very high when watching men to men sex, on average when watching trans-women, and with no activity when watching women only sex. Obviously, things went exactly the opposite with heterosexuals who said to not be attracted to transwomen.

What about the gynandromorphophilic test subjects? Their arousal ran high when watching transgender women sex, while their attraction towards cisgender women was equal to that of heterosexuals, and toward men was very low,  only slightly higher to that of heterosexuals. In short, the definition  of gynandromorphophilia is the more appropriate: men sexually attracted by transgender women. That is all. They are not repressed homosexuals. They can also be bisexual, but only in some cases.

However, to prove the existence of a prejudice is not enough. We must unearth the root cause, find out what it tells about us, our community, and our society. We must recognize that describing an attraction  towards transsexual women as homosexuality means to impose a binary system in which only cisgender men and women can feel and provoke arousal. A system that radically denies of transgender women gender identity and limits them to be surrogates.

Transwomen are disowned not only as women and as humans, but also as desirable people as some claim that one can’t be really attracted to them but rather used to satisfy the attraction toward someone else. Transgender women are diminished to a penis to which, almost by accident, have sprouted boobs. it is a very transphobic way of (not) thinking that is unknowingly rehashed by many homosexuals and even by some transexuals. Isn’t it disturbing?

 

As for final thoughts, there are a couple of observations. The first one is discouraging: the study on gynandromorphophilia indirectly demonstrates how often the attraction towards transsexual FTM (female to  male) – or perhaps their very existence – is not even contemplated by our society. The second one is a proposal: since the term  gynandromorphophilia really sounds terrifying, like it was a disease –  while we are simply speaking about a person who likes another – can we think of a more poised word?

It's so encouraging to see science begin to validate why sissies like me are so fundamentally attracted to Trans Women and Shecock, and at the same time feel a complete visceral rejection towards males altogether. Viva La Shecock!

 

Devina