Sissy Sex: The Desire to Love Like a Woman

 

 The longer I have identified as a sissy, the more I have come to understand the fundamental differences that sissies have with others in alternative lifestyles. For myself, before I came to the point of needing to explore my inner sissy persona that was yearning to break free, I was split between worlds, and it wasn't just two. There was my vanilla daily world where I was failing miserably with any Female 'normal' relationships for reasons I could never fully understand. Then there was my growing love of experimenting with Trans Women & TGirls, but that was happening from a traditional male/top perspective, and while it was fun, thrilling, mind bending etc... it was like eating ice cream. Tasty, short term satisfying, but not something you could live on.

Then there were the world spent as a male subbie who was coming to grips that something deeper was needed to fill a void that was becoming so ever self evident. When I decided to come out to Lady M & Lady Diva about my need to live my submissive life as a sissy, and the desire to give life to the Feminine energy inside since childhood, only then did all the storms of mental and emotional conflict that I was living with, begin slowly to separate and eventually subside.

By some textbook definition I would have been seen as bi-sexual, but to me that simply was not the case whatsoever. Males repulsed me in a sexual manner, (literally makes my skin crawl) and still do. But TGirls were so different because the ones that I was attracted to, I saw as truly being Women with a special gift from nature. A gift to be celebrated. I knew from the very beginning when I needed to live more of my life as a sissy, that I was a sissy lesbian, even if not many would even understand what that meant. Luckily for me Lady Diva knew, and She encouraged me to forge down that path and be true to myself.

 

Armed with that tiny bit of self confidence, didn't make everything magically better, but it did allow me to become more comfortable in my own skin. Pretty much from that point onward, I stopped topping when with Trans Women, and mentally gave in to my more natural nature of wanting to experience each encounter with a TGirl as one of sensuality, instead of sexuality. I learned to worship and in essence make love to Shecock, and I learned to love my new place as a bottom, even if I wasn't quite ready to reveal myself as a sissy with a TGirl (yet).

My revealing my new path to Lady Diva, shifted Her relationship with me as well. I've never questioned Lady Diva's natural superiority, nor Her ability to reign down any manner of hellfire on a misbehaving subbie. Yet now Lady Diva took on a more of a big Sister who was in charge, and who took me under Her Sisterly wing to guide me through to where I needed to go. That was a monumental shift to the psyche of the person that was to become Devina. I now had a pillar to lean on in my first steps of my sissylife journey. Session play shifted as well, as the more Feminine I tried to be, the more rewarding She was. Instead of spanking and corporal punishments, I was being taught how to sit, how to pose, how to move in Feminine ways. This was the training I yearned for!

 

As my sissylife began to take shape, and Devina's personality and confidence began to grow, I started to see ever aspect of my whole life differently.& I began to understand a little more why vanilla relationships with Women were faltering, and how exhausting it was to be split between different worlds. Each time I accepted a little more that I was a special type of sissy with lesbian desires, it was like huge weights being lifted off me. It didn't come without it's own set of challenges but I could navigate my sissy journey better, knowing where I truly was and where I wanted to go.

It was around that time where I began to realize that my desires for love and emotional attachment were bonded to the sissy that was inside of me since childhood. Having sex for most of my life in a traditionally male way was increasingly less and less satisfying. But as a sissy, sensual play, and Trans Women interactions began to take on emotional rewards I've never experienced before. I could actually feel emotional attachment to sexual and sensual acts as a sissy, that I never could before. This new sexual and emotional freedom gave me the courage to finally present myself before a Trans Woman for the first time in a true sissy manner, and it was completely liberating!

 

When I revealed myself for the first time before Sunshine, a beautiful African Trans Woman, She embraced me and for the first time in my life I experienced sex in a completely free and uninhibited way, and for the first time in my life I felt a connection between the physical, the sexual, but most importantly, the emotional! I can remember that encounter vividly and my gawd I was a wanton slut before Her but it was a complete surrender to what I always knew was within, screaming to get out. I took a spectacular facial, which I taped and later shared with Lady Diva, to cement who and what I was and always wanted to be.

 

But this meant now that sex needed to be tied to emotional experiences as well, and the only way that was possible was with Women & TGirls. It also brought into clarity finally the mystery that was chastity, as I never could understand the attraction until I knew that I needed to bond to my sexual experiences from a Female perspective and that meant what was once my cock, needed to become something that was no longer the center of attention.

From there, the experiments into short term, then longer term chastity began, along with the mental conditioning and psychological reprogramming that I've slowly undergone over the past several years. My 9th chastiversary is just under 2 weeks away, and I find myself more than ever, wanting to make love as a Woman, and to always connect emotional attachment and satisfaction to sexual release, and that makes me fully comfortable as a sissy lesbian. Relationships haven't gotten easier because finding Women who can wrap their heads around the type of person I am now, isn't easy, but I remain true to who I am, what I am, and what I need to be happy.

Sincerely Sissy

Devina 

The Chastity Chronicles: 1000 Days Locked & a Sissy's Open Letter to her Mistress

 Originally posted March 23, 2020

Dear Lady Diva Cane,

Once upon a time there was a rather pathetic male subbie who had given into the dark desires that consumed his young mind, and who had given into the fear of the complete unknown and placed himself into the hands of a true Breaker of men, in the form of Mistress Morganna. It was through Her systematic no-nonsense re-programming of a large number of disgusting male traits I had held since adolescence, that I began to see through a dimly lit haze, what might be the real me that spent a lifetime since early childhood hidden in shadows, and in the deepest recesses of my mind and my soul. Mistress Morganna began to rebuild my foundation as a lump of clay before Her, and began putting the building blocks together that would ultimately be the foundation I stand upon today.

 

Mistress Morganna's gracious act of introducing me to You might have been the single most life altering moment in terms of my life path and where it suddenly began to draw me towards. All the deep secrets I held, and any guilt or shame, and confusion that came with them, slowly began to feel less frightening as I felt a connection to You as a submissive. My desire to explore BDSM (and later the Feminine side of my personality) did not grow from a desire to be punished, or to be taken down a few pegs for a short period of time by a strict Woman. Nor was it to be ridiculed and humiliated from a sense of vulnerability. I think from the very first time I touched a Woman's pantyhose clad legs as a youth and heard laughter from all the Women in our house who thought it was cute, the reaction I had, was to find a place where I could connect with that initial moment and allow that seed to grow in a place that could nurture it and protect it until it was strong enough to grow on it's own.

That's what You gave me, even before I really knew it myself.

With each step I took under your wing, You became the Big Sister who always was in control, and who I began to trust would never lead me astray. You made a space within Your world, among all the various kinks, fetishes, sadisims, and perversions of the mind and flesh, for a very nervous closet sissy who yearned so badly to share her true self with someone who could understand me. Your chats over the years with me about many things, built a bond that was always built on Your Dominance, Your Guidance, and Your Wisdom, yet it allowed me the freedom to grow and to learn about who and what I was, and the ability to seek my truth where it led me.

 

In turn I took the lessons that Mistress Morganna and Yourself forged into me and always remembered that my relations with anyone in the kink/alt lifestyle world, would always be a reflection on You. Manners, politeness, patience, and a lack of ego, with the openness to always learn was what I carry with me always. With any compliments I have received along the way, I always made sure that You received the credit for shaping me who I was at any given time; then and now.

Domme / sub relationships come in all shapes, styles, sizes, and patterns. There is no one size fits all, and You know this as well as anyone. In the years where the male sub you began to re-shape needed the time and space to reconcile a growing and undeniable love of Transgendered Women, with the very real and emotional sissy that was breaking free from within, You not only allowed me the space to bring those worlds slowly together, You always encouraged me. You never shamed me, or ridiculed me, but instead You empowered me. You encouraged me, and congratulated me on my sense of taste and unyielding personal code of what I wished to be based on who I new I was.

So many times after one of our many Girl/gurl (sister chats as we called them) talks, I would beam with a sense of confidence and warmth in knowing that someone out there truly understood me, and cared about my well-being. You have always shared in my personal picky high standards in people, and as a result, I grew in confidence as the sissy I was slowly becoming for real. I began to feel at ease with sharing any twisted secret of desire I had with You because I always knew I would find acceptance and never face judgment for the things I truly loved. You were the first to completely understand me when I expressed that I was a sissy lesbian, and that my love for Women only deepened when expressed as Devina.

 

Thanks to You I began to make Your dominace the centrepiece of my sissylife, as I slowly branched out to have Devina's own circle of Female friends. In that time, Your graciousness has brought me the gifts of friendship from as many as 8 other Dominant Women along with several other Trans Women. What this has given me is a circle of Female influence on my life that touches me on a daily basis in some way shape or form, and You have never felt threatened by it, which deepens my bond to our relationship even more.

When I began my sissy chastity journey, it was not with any fanfare, or boasting of what I wished to do. It was instead a quiet devotion to You, and later Maitresse Cathie LaDivine (who became another beloved Dominant Sister who brought nothing but love and encouragement to my sissylife) as a form of sacrifice and a way to honour daily what You have made in me. As the days became weeks, and the weeks into months, I began to experience a metamorphosis, on a deeper physical and spiritual manner. With the physiological changes of extended chastity, a deeper emotional connection was made to my submission to You and to the Feminine circle around me. It was that connection and spiritual bond that changed the entire way I first saw chastity training. Chastity was not something to be endured, with a finish line, but a method of discovery, and a path forward to personal growth.

 

Your empowerment has now allowed me to create a world where the very fabric of who I am and what I need for personal fulfillment has morphed into something I could have once never, ever thought possible. You have allowed me a way forward where what is physical satisfaction, emotional satisfaction, and spiritual satisfaction now center around the needs of Devina the sissy, not the carrying case she came into this world with. You have made it possible to express my love of Trans Women and Shecock in all it's forms without prejudice or shame. You make it possible for me to feel the warmth and love that a Dominant Woman can express in Their own unique ways, even in times when I don't always love myself. For that alone, I cannot express how much that means to me.

Day 1000 is not a destination, it is merely a sign post on route to somewhere beyond. As I always try and seek balance with the needs of Devina with the world around us (which has seemingly gone mad; more than normal), I always know that You are a constant. You are one of the rare few that know me in ways that less than a handful on this earth do, and that makes You a rare gem to me

Thank You, Lady Diva for allowing me the opportunity to give my Chastenial gift to You. I'm more proud of You having my gift, than in anything I sacrificed to earn it for You.

Your Sissy Always

Miss Devina Cox

The Transformation is Real

 

The subject of this post came to me a short while ago, while I was still sleeping in fact, so I'm scrambling to assemble my still jumbled subconscious thoughts that came to me in my sleep, into coherent words here. What was it that came to me in my sleep?

Often our subconscious thoughts are like the hand on a rudder of a ship, and in life when our conscious mind and subconscious mind are in conflict, it can lead to a lot of internal strife, anxiety, and stress. As a sissy we all learn quickly about this internal conflict, and if unable to resolve it, it leads many sissies to make bad choices in their sissy life's journey, or worse, to abandon their true inner feelings of self altogether.

 Although the seeds of my sissy life were sown during events in my early youth, I can safely say I've spent over half of my life as an acknowledged practising sissy. I also think it's safe to say that the majority of us sissy gurls begin on a similar path of crossdressing first as a fetish (with unknown or unexplored reasons why we begin), and that a sizable number find themselves comfortable (for a while) to stay in that category. A smaller number choose to go deeper as we mature and begin to learn about the why's and how's of what our sissy journey means. Even smaller numbers discover their paths lie ahead in gender transformation, etc..

The deeper we go into our sissy journey, inevitably we are confronted with what I call our emasculated male ego, or EME for short.  This is a vile creature that lurks inside every sissy, and unless confronted and dealt with, it will be the cause of much chaos in a sissies life.

Horrible feelings of guilt and anxiety about your Feminine expressions? That's the EME 

Encountering the feelings to do the dreaded sissy wardrobe purge? That's your EME

Feeling the deeper you go down your sissy road, that you can "Stop this at any time" ? That's your EME 

Denial over your changing needs, desires, and basic urges? That's your EME

And so on, and so on etc..

 Confronting your EME and it's eventual evisceration will be the biggest challenge and sissy faces in their journey, whether one realizes this at the time of reading this or not. Your EME will have you go about your daily life thinking it's in control, and will allow you all the ugly habits, thoughts and behaviours of your arrogant, chauvinistic male pig life. You may think of yourself as respectful and well mannered but you still harbour thoughts and your subconscious mind drives you to see Women in your day to day vanilla life as "conquests"or "prizes" etc..

This disgusting behaviour is at complete odds with your sissy life that demands you to see Women as Goddesses, who are superior and unattainable in any way.

See the conflict? Experienced the chaos it brings? 

Who do you fix it?

 I have fought this battle and in my experience, there are three things essential to winning. Acceptance, Honesty and Female Dominance. Accept who you are as a sissy. Be honest with yourself as a sissy. Finally, find and devote yourself to a Dominant Woman and be honest with Her about all your feelings, including the internal conflicts.  Only then with you begin to eradicate your EME and begin to transform yourself from within, and eventually harmonize your conscious and subconscious mind.

When that change begins, your sissy journey will begin to take you places and reveal wonders you could have never imagined on your own!

 Which brings me to this mornings thoughts rolling through my subconscious sissy brain as I was sleeping. Thanks to the many years spent under the guiding big Sisterly like hand of Lady Diva (and Lady Morganna before Her and still), Her constant positive reinforcement, encouragement, and training as a submissive sissy, who is not only submissive to Women, but fully sexually and spiritually submissive to Trans Women, has helped me accept and completely transform my sexuality, to finally align both sides of my conscious and subconscious mind.

Combined with years spent in sissy chastity and being happily pussy free for 11+ years, my wants and needs as a sissy when it comes to sexual, and emotional satisfaction revolve around bottoming for Shecock (Female strapons and/or the beautiful real thing).  

I can't tell you the last time I looked at a beautiful Woman and thought to myself, like I once did many years ago, " Oooh I'd like to take down that!"

Those thoughts simply don't happen anymore, and haven't for years now. I look at Women, admire their beauty, their wardrobe, makeup and hair, etc and say to myself " How do I become that pretty?!?"

 And this morning my subconscious mind was feeding me sexually explicit thoughts of sucking on a beautiful TGirl's cock in all it's glory and feeling Her hot cum explode onto my sissy face. And in my still sleeping moments, it dawned on me moments before I awoke, as to how my entire existence as a sissy has been transformed to align as one.

 It's taken years to arrive here, and I have so much farther to go, but for any sissy who reads this who has yet to come to terms with themselves, and has yet to deal with their own EME, I can assure you, doing so as quickly as possible will only benefit you as a whole. You owe it to that Female spirit that has been inside you for so long. 

Become who you always have been meant to be, without shame, without guilt, and with Women as your guide.

 

Sincerely Sissy

Devina 

 

How Did I Get Here? Down Here..

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.