Fall Arrived Tonight

 Its too darn chilly to do anything but stay indoors and chill with some good reading...

Sissy Sex: The Desire to Love Like a Woman

 

 The longer I have identified as a sissy, the more I have come to understand the fundamental differences that sissies have with others in alternative lifestyles. For myself, before I came to the point of needing to explore my inner sissy persona that was yearning to break free, I was split between worlds, and it wasn't just two. There was my vanilla daily world where I was failing miserably with any Female 'normal' relationships for reasons I could never fully understand. Then there was my growing love of experimenting with Trans Women & TGirls, but that was happening from a traditional male/top perspective, and while it was fun, thrilling, mind bending etc... it was like eating ice cream. Tasty, short term satisfying, but not something you could live on.

Then there were the world spent as a male subbie who was coming to grips that something deeper was needed to fill a void that was becoming so ever self evident. When I decided to come out to Lady M & Lady Diva about my need to live my submissive life as a sissy, and the desire to give life to the Feminine energy inside since childhood, only then did all the storms of mental and emotional conflict that I was living with, begin slowly to separate and eventually subside.

By some textbook definition I would have been seen as bi-sexual, but to me that simply was not the case whatsoever. Males repulsed me in a sexual manner, (literally makes my skin crawl) and still do. But TGirls were so different because the ones that I was attracted to, I saw as truly being Women with a special gift from nature. A gift to be celebrated. I knew from the very beginning when I needed to live more of my life as a sissy, that I was a sissy lesbian, even if not many would even understand what that meant. Luckily for me Lady Diva knew, and She encouraged me to forge down that path and be true to myself.

 

Armed with that tiny bit of self confidence, didn't make everything magically better, but it did allow me to become more comfortable in my own skin. Pretty much from that point onward, I stopped topping when with Trans Women, and mentally gave in to my more natural nature of wanting to experience each encounter with a TGirl as one of sensuality, instead of sexuality. I learned to worship and in essence make love to Shecock, and I learned to love my new place as a bottom, even if I wasn't quite ready to reveal myself as a sissy with a TGirl (yet).

My revealing my new path to Lady Diva, shifted Her relationship with me as well. I've never questioned Lady Diva's natural superiority, nor Her ability to reign down any manner of hellfire on a misbehaving subbie. Yet now Lady Diva took on a more of a big Sister who was in charge, and who took me under Her Sisterly wing to guide me through to where I needed to go. That was a monumental shift to the psyche of the person that was to become Devina. I now had a pillar to lean on in my first steps of my sissylife journey. Session play shifted as well, as the more Feminine I tried to be, the more rewarding She was. Instead of spanking and corporal punishments, I was being taught how to sit, how to pose, how to move in Feminine ways. This was the training I yearned for!

 

As my sissylife began to take shape, and Devina's personality and confidence began to grow, I started to see ever aspect of my whole life differently.& I began to understand a little more why vanilla relationships with Women were faltering, and how exhausting it was to be split between different worlds. Each time I accepted a little more that I was a special type of sissy with lesbian desires, it was like huge weights being lifted off me. It didn't come without it's own set of challenges but I could navigate my sissy journey better, knowing where I truly was and where I wanted to go.

It was around that time where I began to realize that my desires for love and emotional attachment were bonded to the sissy that was inside of me since childhood. Having sex for most of my life in a traditionally male way was increasingly less and less satisfying. But as a sissy, sensual play, and Trans Women interactions began to take on emotional rewards I've never experienced before. I could actually feel emotional attachment to sexual and sensual acts as a sissy, that I never could before. This new sexual and emotional freedom gave me the courage to finally present myself before a Trans Woman for the first time in a true sissy manner, and it was completely liberating!

 

When I revealed myself for the first time before Sunshine, a beautiful African Trans Woman, She embraced me and for the first time in my life I experienced sex in a completely free and uninhibited way, and for the first time in my life I felt a connection between the physical, the sexual, but most importantly, the emotional! I can remember that encounter vividly and my gawd I was a wanton slut before Her but it was a complete surrender to what I always knew was within, screaming to get out. I took a spectacular facial, which I taped and later shared with Lady Diva, to cement who and what I was and always wanted to be.

 

But this meant now that sex needed to be tied to emotional experiences as well, and the only way that was possible was with Women & TGirls. It also brought into clarity finally the mystery that was chastity, as I never could understand the attraction until I knew that I needed to bond to my sexual experiences from a Female perspective and that meant what was once my cock, needed to become something that was no longer the center of attention.

From there, the experiments into short term, then longer term chastity began, along with the mental conditioning and psychological reprogramming that I've slowly undergone over the past several years. My 9th chastiversary is just under 2 weeks away, and I find myself more than ever, wanting to make love as a Woman, and to always connect emotional attachment and satisfaction to sexual release, and that makes me fully comfortable as a sissy lesbian. Relationships haven't gotten easier because finding Women who can wrap their heads around the type of person I am now, isn't easy, but I remain true to who I am, what I am, and what I need to be happy.

Sincerely Sissy

Devina 

A Chilly Night With a Few Pages

Devina's TGirl of the Day Jan 13

 

All Around The World...

 Sissy Gurls are sucking cock right now. It's the new normal, and if you still haven't sucked a cock, what are you waiting for????

 

 

 

Just a Few Chapters Before Bed...

 

Devina's Sep 27 TGirl of the Day

 

Devina's Sep 24 TGirl of the Day

 

Devina's Sep 7 TGirl of the Day

 

Devina's Aug 29 TGirl of the Day

 

Sissy Life Since Ancient Times

 

History is written by the victors. Unfortunately, this tends to mean that a lot of truth gets lost over the eons, peaceful tribes can become demonized, portrayals of nature reverence can be twisted into "witchcraft" and a lot of the accurate documentation becomes lost over the years in intellectual pogroms, such as the burning of the library at Alexandria in Egypt by the Romans. 

Such is the case with most things transgender, which at one time was seen to be rooted in similar human need. It was once said that  there were three facets to our existence: survival, reproduction, and  everything else -- and to the person who made the case, "everything  else" -- which tended to encompass those things creative, imaginative and ingenious -- could be classified as "art." If ancient cultures bore understanding of this, then one wonders if transgender and same-sex love were seen as an art of their own... a creative exploration of love and  affection.

 

It may sound far-fetched, but history (even if written by victors) offers little glimpses of reality at times, and many of these glimpses tend to indicate that the gender transgression and gay / lesbian /  bisexual love that is often vilified today was once quite respected and at times even encouraged.

It is impossible to know the motives of the early civilizations' approach. We can only see history in modern light and with our own experiences. Without the economic and socio-political backgrounds to  some of these notations, we don't know if transgender behaviour was any result of coercion, conspiracy or other motivations. I would like to think that much of the experience was genuine, although I'm not so naive to believe that accounts of castrated boys raised as wives of Roman or Turkish military leaders were consensual. History unfortunately sometimes can only touch the surface, not revealing the beauty and ugliness underneath.

 

What we understand as transgender (in its many different forms) has been understood quite differently at various periods of time. In the earliest ages, people who were seen to bridge the genders were quite  often thought to possess wisdom that traditionally-gendered people did not, and were venerated for this.

In earliest civilizations, throughout Europe, Asia, the Middle East, and Northern Africa, tribes of different types venerated what they often identified as "The Great Mother." In nearly all of these traditions,  MTF priestesses (often castrated or with some form of eunuching, which included a number of different body modifications of the time) presided, and the cultures were primarily communal systems which held women  (venerated as a source of life) in high esteem. Matriarchal in nature, the cultures often espoused peace, but the realities of early civilization and tribal existence did not always allow for this.

Roman historian Plutarch depicts "The Great Mother" as an Intersex deity from whom the two sexes had not yet split. Trans-gendered depictions of The Great Mother and Her priestesses are found in ancient artifacts back to the earliest civilizations in Mesopotamia, Assyria, Babylonia and Akkad. Some historians portray MTF priestesses as being recognized as something sacred, and that records of trans priestesses do date back to the late Paleolithic (if not earlier), suggesting that the advent of transgender  priestesses was not simply a later reaction to feminine leadership and veneration. In some regions, particularly the oldest European customs, it even appears that some form of gender transgression was almost considered one's religious duty, at times.

 

In the Middle East (Cradle of Civilization), MTF (male-to-female) priestesses were known to have served Astarte, Dea Syria, Atargatis and Ashtoreth / Ishtar. Additional MTF "gallae" served Cybele, the Phrygians' embodiment of The Great Mother. Trans expression was also  present in the early genesis of the Kumbh Mela festival in Allahbad  (India).

For centuries, Muslim tradition differentiated between MTF transsexuals who live as prostitutes or criminals, and those in whom Femininity was innate and who lived blamelessly. The latter were called  "mukhannathun," and accepted within the boundaries of Islam. Mukhannathun could have relationships with either men or women, but only those who had been castrated or were exclusively attracted to men were allowed into Womens' spaces. 

In Africa, intersexed deities and spritual beliefs in gender transformation are recorded in Akan, Ambo-Kwanyama, Bobo, Chokwe, Dahomean (Benin), Dogon, Bambara, Etik, Handa, Humbe, Hunde, Ibo, Jukun,  Kimbundu, Konso, Kunama, Lamba, Lango, Luba, Lugbara (where MTFs are  called okule and FTMs are called agule), Lulua, Musho, Nat, Nuba,  Ovimbundu, Rundi, Sakpota, Shona-Karonga, Venda, Vili-Kongo, and Zulu  tribes. Some of this tradition survives in West Africa, as well as  Brazilian and Haitian ceremonies that derive from West African  religions. In Abomey, the Heviosso maintain trans traditions, in an area renowned for Amazon-like warrior women.

In Asia, Hijras persist even today, although their reverence is often limited to the belief that their presence at weddings is a good portent for the couple. Historically, they have often worshipped the mother-goddess Bahuchara Mata, although some also worshipped Shiva in his half-man, half-woman persona, Ardhanarisvara.

Many early Indonesian societies had transgender figures in religious functions, including the basaja, from the island of Sulawesi (The  Celebes). In ancient China, the shih-niang wore mixed-gender ceremonial  clothing. In Okinawa, some shamans underwent winagu nati, a process of  "becoming female." In Korea, the mudang was a shaman or sorceress who was quite often MTF. Fanchuan was a name given to stage crossdressing, such as male-to-Female performances in Beijing opera, and Female-to-male acting  in Taiwanese Opera.

 

In Europe, MTF priestesses served Artemis, Hecate and Diana. Early traditions thrived longest in Greece, and the mythology of the day incorporated tales of cross-dressing by Achilles, Heracles, Athena and Dionysus, as well as literal and metaphorical gender changes. And Cupid was a dual god/Goddess of love, originally portrayed as intersex. The child of Hermes and Aphrodite, one of Cupid's variant names provided the origin for the term, "hermaphrodite." Some time between 6th Century and 1st Century BC, in the Greek Hippocratic Corpus (collection of medical texts),  physicians propose that both parents secrete male or Female "bodies" and  that if the father's secretion is Female (rather than male) and the Mother's is male, the result would either be a "man-Woman" (effeminate  male) or a "mannish" Female.

The Amazons, a group of warriors often in conflict with Greeks and  later mythologized, seem to have been thought of as trans, and Pliny the Younger referred to them as the Androgynae "who combine the two sexes."  They carried double-edged axes which may have been symbols of  intersexuality, as were those carried by the South American tribe that inspired the naming of the Amazon River.

 

In North America, as late as 1930 (with the Klamath in the Pacific Northwest), Two-Spirit Natives are noted among tribal communities. Originally called "berdache," Native culture adopted the term "Two-Spirit" as a blanket  term -- though in reality, nearly every tribe had at least one (often  several) unique name for Two-Spirit peoples, with the names sometimes addressing different aspects of those populations. Two-Spirit actually covers the full range of gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender persons,  as well as intersex and other gender-variant people. It was often thought that Two-Spirits had two spirits inhabiting the same body, and that Two-Spirit people deserved a special kind of reverence. Jesuit  priest Jacques Marquette notes that in the Illinois and Nadouessi tribes, nothing is decided without their advice. Inuit FTMs serve White Whale Woman, who was believed to have been transformed into a man or Woman-man.

In South America, MTF priestesses have been found among the Araucanians (southern Chile and Argentina) and Mapuche, although after oppressive Spanish contact, they were largely replaced by Female priestesses. Some Females in the Tupinamba tribe lived as men, hunted and went to war. In 1576, explorer Pedro de Magalhaes recorded this, and recalling the Greek legend of the Amazons, named the Amazon river for  these Tupinamba. For the Yoruba (Brazil), the deity Shango is  represented as all sexes.

 

Although it's doubtful that all of these traditions had a common origin, and possible that some of these are trans only by coincidence, there do seem to be a number of similar themes tying them together.  Sorting through them to find specific motives and beliefs is impossible, though, because so little of the original traditions was recorded or survived the various book purges over time. It is only possible to  speculate.

Alas, history is written by the victors, and the victors were largely not transgender

The Trans Women Landscape

 

There is a very wide variety of trans-women operating amongst the comprehensive transgender landscape. Following are the most common variations & aspects associated with each: 

The Beginning Transgender - For beginning trans-Girls, the desire for another transgender Girl often  runs pretty deep. This attraction intensifies with Girls they consider prettier or more Feminine than themselves. Their ultimate sexual desire is often to have sex “while dressed” with an attractive and passable pre-op transsexual. For these new gurls the whole concept of having a sexual relationship "as a Woman" is a huge rush. They're often not attracted to males. Also, costuming & lingerie is often an important component of their desires as these Feminine accoutrements heighten the sensation associated with their newfound Female identity & freedom.  Their attraction is often based upon a celebration of finally exploring their transgender leanings.

 

The Heterosexual Crossdresser - This is the largest and most common group of TGirls. They often share the same "pent up passion" as the early stager, but for different reasons.  Typically, they are not able to enjoy their Feminine side with their Female spouse or significant other. The married ones have the most to lose in the event of indiscretion, and are much more careful than their single counterparts.  Most  are only attracted to Women, and would consider themselves "quasi" lesbian, when it comes to their sexual feelings while dressed. In fact, if you "peeked" into their personal inventory of "XXX movies" - you  would likely find an inordinate number of lesbian flicks. They have usually spent a lot more time thinking about their sexuality than you have. To attempt to change their minds can be both an irritation - and an insult. I'm not saying they don't appreciate compliments - most TV's do. However, more blatant sexual contact to them feels about the same as another "masculine" guy coming up and grabbing your ass - it's disgusting and repulsive. Most can't be smooth bodied due to lifestyle considerations. 

 

The Advanced TGirl - TGirls with more experience sometimes explore broadening their sexual horizons, depending upon if they’re married or single. While they might still be attracted to another lovely TGirl, they’re usually less caught up in the sensation associated with transgender-transgender attraction.  Thus, they're more likely to seek partners they find appealing on a physical and spiritual level, regardless of gender. If they're ever going to find masculine men appealing as partners, this is the  phase where they're most likely to explore that leaning. More than one TGirl on this planet finds men appealing in her Female persona but is not remotely attracted to that same guy in her male role. That only sounds strange to someone that isn't trans. 

 

The Early Stage Pre-Op Transsexual - When  a TGirl first begins gender transition, Her life often gets overwhelmed with novel sensations caused by an exciting new existence  and minor changes occurring in her body & mind. Honestly? You don't know who these Girls are going to find appealing as they tend to be all over the map. By nature, it's a stage of change. These Girls probably aren't easily cast as any sort of admirer - because the woman they  consider most appealing is the one they're creating on the horizon. It's all about them. 

 

The Full-time Pre-Op Transsexual Female - Women who live 24/7 as Women for a long time tend to settle back into  traditional desires when it comes to a partner. These TGirls are usually past any sensation or kink associated with their Female existence. Unfortunately,  they're still forced to constantly deal with their pre-op loins in all phases of their life. Thus, drama-related transgender attraction  is the last thing they often want or need in life. It's easy for a Girl in this situation to get jaded. They're needing and wanting a normal relationship with someone they find appealing. Normalcy, is often the one aspect missing from their lives. Most potential partners are either not comfortable with their "situation"...or too enamoured by their unique anatomy. Thus, the process of sorting out “which-is-which”…gets old. 

A number of gals in this phase will explore a committed union with a male - even if they’re not naturally wired to males. They sometimes tire of lesbian-based issues associated with trading off  various roles between masculine & Feminine. After working so very hard to become a chick? Who wants to share that new territory with another?

 

The Post-Op Transsexual Female - Attraction for post-op transsexual Women tends to more closely follow whatever sexual orientation She was born with. Gay or straight...it's  all good. You are, who you are. Plus, as a "postie"  finally in a position to not to disclose her unique gender until she feels it's appropriate.  Sometimes…in more brief connections? They never share that info. Lesbian leanings continue to be most common for this group when we’re talking  about long-term associations. This probably has a lot to do with initial beginnings: 70% of beginning trans-people start off identifying as  heterosexual. Thus, as full-blooded women? That translates to lesbian.  Make sense?