My World Just Got Smaller

 

I've had many blessings in my sissy life. I've had the amazing good fortune to have experienced things beyond my wildest dreams, met and submitted before Iconic Dominant Women, and have slowly and carefully cultivated a special inner circle of Dommes and other Women, where I've been able to allow Devina to find her feet and have a place where she has been able to grow and be nourished. But in life, as I'm fully aware, not all things last forever, and I was reminded of that today, as I was forced to say goodbye to someone who was so very special to me, in ways that are difficult to put into proper words, but I will try.

 

As any sissy knows, living an alternative lifestyle can come with a price, and often it is very high in terms of our private and personal lives and how we are able to interact with others outside that world. My friend ( I will still call Her friend, even if She may no longer) in the past few years, has paid a heavy price personally and as a result has completely removed Herself from Her truly Iconic perch in the BDSM world; perhaps permanently I believe. And as a result, She has removed a lot of people from Her life moving forward, and sadly I was one.

In many ways I could see this day coming for quite some time. It hurts when you can feel someone growing more distant, and not being able to figure out why, and afraid if you ask, it will only speed the process up. I will not go into the who, the what, the why, etc except to say, sometimes life deals us cards that shake us to our very soul and beyond. In dealing with such trauma, one can discover that the identity of who they have been has been so drastically altered, that one cannot continue as such anymore, to risk becoming a parody of one's self. I know this feeling after dealing with significant loss in my family, where Devina was just an abstract concept that at times I still struggle with.

I can understand when the things you once loved, enjoyed, and inspired, now bring disdain and you need to change. I wish I was able to have this conversation with Her but I likely never will now. I was very blessed to have an opportunity to get to know the person behind the mask, and that person was a lovely soul, and it upset me greatly to discover the trauma that She was confronted with. I would wish that on no Woman. I am grateful to have been able to offer words of comfort, advice and just be someone to listen a bit. The distance between Her and I was great, but it was very easy to send whatever warm energy I possessed to the universe in hopes of finding Her. It's a hopeless thing at times to know someone you genuinely care about as a person, is in a great deal of pain and distress, and not being able to do anything of consequence to take that suffering away. It is my sincere hope that She finds the healing She seeks.

 My inner circle of Women I trusted with my most guarded secrets as Devina and the original packaging she came in, had only 5 members. She is a rare soul that had the ability to relate and understand me on all sides, and I can't say how hard it has been to find any Women who can openly embrace the whole package without judgment. It's very sad to be forced to accept that my special circle has shrunk to 4. I hold a small amount of hope that our orbits may intersect once again in the future, but that will not be for me to decide. J.R you were a blessing to my life and I will miss you

Love Always

Devina