Perhaps the Feminine Universe Enjoys Tormenting me

 

I have been very blessed as a sissy by my Domme, Lady Diva Cane and by my original Matriarch fairy Godmother Lady Morganna to have experienced some amazing things in my sissy life. Losing my anal virginity, my first makeover, hands free sissygasms, and much more to list. I consider them all blessings from the Feminine Universe of Femdomination as a devoted sissy to Female Supremacy.

There has been one experience that I have been knocking at the door for many summers now, but simply have been unable to unlock the key to, and that's experiencing a sissygasm while riding my bicycle, very much as a young Girl would. I have experienced many times while on a long ride, Femdom visualizations that caused me to experience massive edging, and have tried to bring myself to that magic place where my turgid sissy clit messes up my bike shorts, but again and again i am denied the trip over the sissygasm falls.

  Today I even tried stacking the deck, and rode for over an hour with my own sissy mindbreaker audio mix playing in my earbuds. I created several 7 hour audio tracks of a variety of sissy hypno mixes to sleep to, and I had one playing today while riding. I even began a series of visualizations of Lady Diva, and Lady M enjoying my asspussy being plowed by Shecock, and tried to embrace Their smiles of seeing Their sissy creation be thoroughly abused by Shecock. No matter what I tried, my exercise session was an enormous edging experience and nothing more.

I shared my frustrations with Lady Diva just a short while ago, and in Her wisdom, She offered a reason as to why the Feminine Universe seemingly enjoys tormenting me so much this way.

"It's Penance"

 Her reply made me immediately understand what I was experiencing, by not experiencing a sissygasm on my bike seat. And with that comment, I simply replied,

"Then i gladly accept"

I'm certain tomorrow will bring a huge sissyleak while fully limp from my little nub like sissy clit encased in panties, and I will express my gratitude to the Feminine Universe and Lady Diva for allowing me that.

And I will continue to pay my penance for my pre Devina life...

There Was Really No Other Choice

 

Early stages of Devina

I've been thinking back lately to pivotal moments in my sissy life, where I came to major crossroads and chose a path that left me no return. One I always look back fondly now is coming to the conclusion that I needed to pursue my submission from a sissy perspective, as continuing to be a panty boi male subbie was a a path of diminishing returns.

Since I've always thought of myself as a bit of a lone wolf type, it didn't make much sense to carry on in any male submissive role as beyond the foundational training Mistress Morganna had provided, simply to be one male subbie in a filthy sea of icky males. Being a sissy provided many things to my soul, but it also provided a much less crowded place to try and discover myself and to hopefully grow. I had no idea back then what I would even become, as I certainly never imagined it would be where I am today. But I knew I needed to find someplace else in the BDSM world and admitting to myself and to Mistress Morganna and then Lady Diva Cane that I didn't just want to be a sissy, I needed to be a sissy in order to discover myself.

 

In realizing my inner sissy and being able to have the opportunity for Devina to blossom and grow, my love for Women has only deepened as my sissy journey has continued. Even when I reached the point of acceptance that vanilla sex with Women was becoming of less and less value in my life, and admitting that my desires for Shecock was becoming more and more of value in my life, my sincere love of Women only grew as it moved away from sexual and more towards spiritual. My empathy began to increase, my desire to bond spiritually with Women in the special ways that Women do, became noticeable to me. I realized that I was much more a sissy lesbian than anything, even if I could no longer muster the energy to chase Women in any vanilla capacity. No, relationships with Women would now be unique, and from a place where I was always a bottom to Them, and that was something that I would discover was very fulfilling.

 

But it was sissy chastity in many ways that brought it all into focus. No longer consumed with thoughts of self pleasuring that thing between my legs, chastity brought things far more into focus of what my emotional needs and spiritual needs are. The eventual experience of my first hands free sissygasm only served to reinforce that my decision was right all along. There has been no experience that could compare as a male to the sensations felt experiencing my first true sissygasm, and the joy it brought me to know that I could finally cum like a Woman. It only brought me closer to the Women I'm able to share my sissylife with, which is so wonderful.

Dominant Women tend to have special places in Their world for Their sissy gurls, and the more you show them that you want to be in that place, the more you earn your way into that place, the more magical and wonderful it becomes to find yourself within it. For me there was no other logical choice. One could say being a sissy was my destiny...

 

Sincerely Sissy

Devina 

3300 Days in Sissy Chastity!

 Today I happily celebrate 3300 days in sissy chastity. The life changing effect that long term chastity has had on me is incomparable to other aspects of my sissy life's journey. I used to obsess over 25 day milestones, but now it's such a part of my day to day life, that hundreds of days can go by and I don't feel the need anymore to mark the signposts.

I love my sissy life completely absent of the ugliness of an old male like of wanking and spilling gross male seed in the world. I DO love my sissy leaks, dribbles, and wetting of my panties when my sissy brain obsesses over Shecock.

Overlooked by many is the reduction of stress in one's life when their brain never has to devote energy to how to "get off". 

Life is better Locked!  

Happy 9th Chastiversary to Me!

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Sissy Sex: The Desire to Love Like a Woman

 

 The longer I have identified as a sissy, the more I have come to understand the fundamental differences that sissies have with others in alternative lifestyles. For myself, before I came to the point of needing to explore my inner sissy persona that was yearning to break free, I was split between worlds, and it wasn't just two. There was my vanilla daily world where I was failing miserably with any Female 'normal' relationships for reasons I could never fully understand. Then there was my growing love of experimenting with Trans Women & TGirls, but that was happening from a traditional male/top perspective, and while it was fun, thrilling, mind bending etc... it was like eating ice cream. Tasty, short term satisfying, but not something you could live on.

Then there were the world spent as a male subbie who was coming to grips that something deeper was needed to fill a void that was becoming so ever self evident. When I decided to come out to Lady M & Lady Diva about my need to live my submissive life as a sissy, and the desire to give life to the Feminine energy inside since childhood, only then did all the storms of mental and emotional conflict that I was living with, begin slowly to separate and eventually subside.

By some textbook definition I would have been seen as bi-sexual, but to me that simply was not the case whatsoever. Males repulsed me in a sexual manner, (literally makes my skin crawl) and still do. But TGirls were so different because the ones that I was attracted to, I saw as truly being Women with a special gift from nature. A gift to be celebrated. I knew from the very beginning when I needed to live more of my life as a sissy, that I was a sissy lesbian, even if not many would even understand what that meant. Luckily for me Lady Diva knew, and She encouraged me to forge down that path and be true to myself.

 

Armed with that tiny bit of self confidence, didn't make everything magically better, but it did allow me to become more comfortable in my own skin. Pretty much from that point onward, I stopped topping when with Trans Women, and mentally gave in to my more natural nature of wanting to experience each encounter with a TGirl as one of sensuality, instead of sexuality. I learned to worship and in essence make love to Shecock, and I learned to love my new place as a bottom, even if I wasn't quite ready to reveal myself as a sissy with a TGirl (yet).

My revealing my new path to Lady Diva, shifted Her relationship with me as well. I've never questioned Lady Diva's natural superiority, nor Her ability to reign down any manner of hellfire on a misbehaving subbie. Yet now Lady Diva took on a more of a big Sister who was in charge, and who took me under Her Sisterly wing to guide me through to where I needed to go. That was a monumental shift to the psyche of the person that was to become Devina. I now had a pillar to lean on in my first steps of my sissylife journey. Session play shifted as well, as the more Feminine I tried to be, the more rewarding She was. Instead of spanking and corporal punishments, I was being taught how to sit, how to pose, how to move in Feminine ways. This was the training I yearned for!

 

As my sissylife began to take shape, and Devina's personality and confidence began to grow, I started to see ever aspect of my whole life differently.& I began to understand a little more why vanilla relationships with Women were faltering, and how exhausting it was to be split between different worlds. Each time I accepted a little more that I was a special type of sissy with lesbian desires, it was like huge weights being lifted off me. It didn't come without it's own set of challenges but I could navigate my sissy journey better, knowing where I truly was and where I wanted to go.

It was around that time where I began to realize that my desires for love and emotional attachment were bonded to the sissy that was inside of me since childhood. Having sex for most of my life in a traditionally male way was increasingly less and less satisfying. But as a sissy, sensual play, and Trans Women interactions began to take on emotional rewards I've never experienced before. I could actually feel emotional attachment to sexual and sensual acts as a sissy, that I never could before. This new sexual and emotional freedom gave me the courage to finally present myself before a Trans Woman for the first time in a true sissy manner, and it was completely liberating!

 

When I revealed myself for the first time before Sunshine, a beautiful African Trans Woman, She embraced me and for the first time in my life I experienced sex in a completely free and uninhibited way, and for the first time in my life I felt a connection between the physical, the sexual, but most importantly, the emotional! I can remember that encounter vividly and my gawd I was a wanton slut before Her but it was a complete surrender to what I always knew was within, screaming to get out. I took a spectacular facial, which I taped and later shared with Lady Diva, to cement who and what I was and always wanted to be.

 

But this meant now that sex needed to be tied to emotional experiences as well, and the only way that was possible was with Women & TGirls. It also brought into clarity finally the mystery that was chastity, as I never could understand the attraction until I knew that I needed to bond to my sexual experiences from a Female perspective and that meant what was once my cock, needed to become something that was no longer the center of attention.

From there, the experiments into short term, then longer term chastity began, along with the mental conditioning and psychological reprogramming that I've slowly undergone over the past several years. My 9th chastiversary is just under 2 weeks away, and I find myself more than ever, wanting to make love as a Woman, and to always connect emotional attachment and satisfaction to sexual release, and that makes me fully comfortable as a sissy lesbian. Relationships haven't gotten easier because finding Women who can wrap their heads around the type of person I am now, isn't easy, but I remain true to who I am, what I am, and what I need to be happy.

Sincerely Sissy

Devina 

If You Knew You Wouldn't Cum...

 

  When the majority of us discover kink as male subbies, we do so looking for a different way to get off that bends our minds, hence the term Kink. We pretty much all start out as kink players. Some of us stay there contently, while others drift between kink and deeper levels of submission, while fewer still begin a journey into submission that they may not even know they are on, but one day realize they are far from where they started.

My initial steps into submission and kink play was no different. Things began to change once I felt safe enough to trust Mistress Morganna (Lady M) and later Lady Diva Cane. Once I began to confess my inner desires to explore and develop the inner sissy within that was there from my earliest days, a new world was created. It's like finding yourself in a room with many doors and you don't know where any of them lead, but YOU know that you need to go somewhere.

Being less than three weeks away from my 9th Chastiversary, I have learned a very valuable lesson in my sissy chastity experience; the act of me ever cumming in front of my Mistress or any Dominant Woman is completely inconsequential. It has zero importance. As my sissy clit shrinks and my sissy leaks become less and less frequent, I'm thrilled at the fact that almost 9 years in, my sissy clit is completely useless to any Woman. The only purpose it serves now is a constant reinforcement that I must continue to learn how to achieve orgasms from a mental aspect first, then transferring that energy into my p-spot. My sissyclit does not need, nor should ever receive attention in any manner that would resemble masturbation.

 

Sharing this monumental self realization with Lady Diva was a huge moment for me. Why should I burden Her with my filthy urges? Why should any Domme really cater to subbies nasty urges to spunk and make a mess. Wouldn't that time be better spent pleasing your Mistress?

But wherever you kneel in the kink world, could you fathom seeing a Domme and knowing that you will have zero expectations of getting off physically? I mean you still might, right? A powerful Dominant Woman has many abilities in Her toolbox to have you achieve all sorts of physical feats, but if you knew that your best odds would be 50/50, would you continue? Would it be a turn off to your selfish arrogant male ego that your needs wouldn't be attended to? Or perhaps would you be intrigued in what you might learn about yourself and your Domme in putting Her needs before all of yours?

 

Maybe it's my sissy nature and my growing desires to learn to try as best as possible to cum in a Female way, but there is something incredibly fulfilling in reaching a place in my sissy life where I no longer care if I leak, squirt or dribble. The smile on a Domme's face is far more rewarding. The pride of ownership that Lady Diva has in my sissy clit gives me a sense of sissy purpose. It's a feeling I never could have possibly discovered if I had remained merely a kink player.

Whether you are ready or not to ever get to that plane of submissive existence, you should at least ask yourself from time to time, "Is my cumming more important than My Mistresses' satisfaction?"

You might be surprised where you one day find yourself...

 

As a Shecock loving sissy, the other reason why I never need to cum again is that my purpose in life as a sissy is ultimately to make Shecocks cum. Again, my sissy dribbles out of my limp sissyclit mean nothing compared to devoting your abilities to make a beautiful rock hard glorious Shecock explode, preferably all over your face!

 

Feeling the sensation of a Shecock explode in your mouth and/or all over your face brings a sense of accomplishment like no other. You have brought beautiful physical pleasure to another, and superior person, and they have rewarded you with everything you really need. Feeling Her cum on your face cements your place in life, and gives your sissy life true purpose. When you find this nirvana, it's essential to share this with as many Women, both Dominant and vanilla as possible. Let that cum wash away any sense of shame and never look back at what you used to be.

When you find all that, why is your sissyclit even relevant?

It's not.

Sincerely Sissy

Devina