Locktober 3400th!

 

Happy Locktober 3400th to me! My sissy chastity journey continues to new unimaginable milestones and I do not regret leaving everything behind of what I once thought I knew about self pleasure and sexuality. I remain haste in honour of Lady Diva Cane, Lady Morganna, Maitresse Cathie LaDivine and so many others who helped me realize my true self. The march to 3500 begins now!

Accepting Your Sissy Self Changes Your Relationship with All Women

 One of the major changes I have experienced in my ongoing sissy life's journey is in how my daily relationship and perspective towards all Women has evolved to the point that my secret sissy self to Women in the vanilla world, expresses itself in quiet servitude. Increased manners, politeness, yielding way in lineups etc...it all has changed, and for the better I might add.

 When you accept yourself for what you always have known that you are, as a sissy, you begin to lose the weight of the internal battles your old emasculated male ego would wage against your thoughts, actions, and the sheer fatigue of those mental battles, begin to fall to the wayside and you can simply live a more peaceful and relaxed life, regardless if you live your sissy life in private, public, or both.

 One of the compliments that I cherish the most is from my Domme, Lady Diva Cane, when She compliments me on my consistency in my devotion, and efforts to express my eternal gratitude to wards Her and Others who have continued to reinforce my path as Her sissy.  When you let yourself practice the habits of a behaved sissy each day, and allow those feelings to come forth in the daily world, to be expressed by better behaviour towards all Women, it becomes a much easier thing to find your own consistency. And isn't that what being a sissy is truly all about?

 While all of us sissies start behind the same locked door of a bedroom, usually with a pair of panties, pantyhose, or stockings, it' becomes our life long mission to evolve, and to accept that we can never stop learning how to be better Feminine versions of ourselves. A large percentage stop themselves at the "sissy slut" stage, and while that is a very fun place to be, one should never stop there. I look back at that stage in my sissy life as the end of the beginning, for my spiritual sissy journey truly began when I knew I needed more from being a sissy than just the physical, and the humiliation rituals of the war with my old male ego.

 Loving yourself as a sissy means loving all Women, regardless of Their relationship with you. This is especially true to Women who are complete strangers to you. Your manners, and quiet submission to Their needs in daily life reflect positively on all the things your Domme teaches you, and all the Feminine lessons you learn as a sissy. These should reflect in your attitudes, mannerisms, and conducts each and ever day. Women will notice good behaviour, regardless if they know you are a sissy or not. Why, you ask? Simply because the world today is so devoid of what you can offer any Woman, quietly as a sissy.  Respect, manners, politeness, and putting a Woman's needs before yours in any situation is something Women DO notice. Your reward may be small in gesture, but in reality your daily reward as a sissy should be that each and every day, you did something to make the lives of any Women you interact with each day, a more pleasant experience. Most importantly without expecting anything in return.

 Your consistent quiet expression of your sissy self in daily life will also be noticed by the Dominant Woman in your life, and in those moments when She decides to reward your good sissy behaviour, it is in those moments where it is crucial to mentally link Her rewards with your efforts to all Women. This is an essential step in expanding your spiritual sense of your sissy self. Your good energy that you should put forth to all Women, eventually comes back to you by the Woman in your life who has put in such an effort into making you a far better person than where you started, behind that locked door.

Embrace your sissy self. Never stop trying to be the best sissy you can be. Do it for Her.

 

Devina 

Today on FDTV

 

Perhaps the Feminine Universe Enjoys Tormenting me

 

I have been very blessed as a sissy by my Domme, Lady Diva Cane and by my original Matriarch fairy Godmother Lady Morganna to have experienced some amazing things in my sissy life. Losing my anal virginity, my first makeover, hands free sissygasms, and much more to list. I consider them all blessings from the Feminine Universe of Femdomination as a devoted sissy to Female Supremacy.

There has been one experience that I have been knocking at the door for many summers now, but simply have been unable to unlock the key to, and that's experiencing a sissygasm while riding my bicycle, very much as a young Girl would. I have experienced many times while on a long ride, Femdom visualizations that caused me to experience massive edging, and have tried to bring myself to that magic place where my turgid sissy clit messes up my bike shorts, but again and again i am denied the trip over the sissygasm falls.

  Today I even tried stacking the deck, and rode for over an hour with my own sissy mindbreaker audio mix playing in my earbuds. I created several 7 hour audio tracks of a variety of sissy hypno mixes to sleep to, and I had one playing today while riding. I even began a series of visualizations of Lady Diva, and Lady M enjoying my asspussy being plowed by Shecock, and tried to embrace Their smiles of seeing Their sissy creation be thoroughly abused by Shecock. No matter what I tried, my exercise session was an enormous edging experience and nothing more.

I shared my frustrations with Lady Diva just a short while ago, and in Her wisdom, She offered a reason as to why the Feminine Universe seemingly enjoys tormenting me so much this way.

"It's Penance"

 Her reply made me immediately understand what I was experiencing, by not experiencing a sissygasm on my bike seat. And with that comment, I simply replied,

"Then i gladly accept"

I'm certain tomorrow will bring a huge sissyleak while fully limp from my little nub like sissy clit encased in panties, and I will express my gratitude to the Feminine Universe and Lady Diva for allowing me that.

And I will continue to pay my penance for my pre Devina life...

There Was Really No Other Choice

 

Early stages of Devina

I've been thinking back lately to pivotal moments in my sissy life, where I came to major crossroads and chose a path that left me no return. One I always look back fondly now is coming to the conclusion that I needed to pursue my submission from a sissy perspective, as continuing to be a panty boi male subbie was a a path of diminishing returns.

Since I've always thought of myself as a bit of a lone wolf type, it didn't make much sense to carry on in any male submissive role as beyond the foundational training Mistress Morganna had provided, simply to be one male subbie in a filthy sea of icky males. Being a sissy provided many things to my soul, but it also provided a much less crowded place to try and discover myself and to hopefully grow. I had no idea back then what I would even become, as I certainly never imagined it would be where I am today. But I knew I needed to find someplace else in the BDSM world and admitting to myself and to Mistress Morganna and then Lady Diva Cane that I didn't just want to be a sissy, I needed to be a sissy in order to discover myself.

 

In realizing my inner sissy and being able to have the opportunity for Devina to blossom and grow, my love for Women has only deepened as my sissy journey has continued. Even when I reached the point of acceptance that vanilla sex with Women was becoming of less and less value in my life, and admitting that my desires for Shecock was becoming more and more of value in my life, my sincere love of Women only grew as it moved away from sexual and more towards spiritual. My empathy began to increase, my desire to bond spiritually with Women in the special ways that Women do, became noticeable to me. I realized that I was much more a sissy lesbian than anything, even if I could no longer muster the energy to chase Women in any vanilla capacity. No, relationships with Women would now be unique, and from a place where I was always a bottom to Them, and that was something that I would discover was very fulfilling.

 

But it was sissy chastity in many ways that brought it all into focus. No longer consumed with thoughts of self pleasuring that thing between my legs, chastity brought things far more into focus of what my emotional needs and spiritual needs are. The eventual experience of my first hands free sissygasm only served to reinforce that my decision was right all along. There has been no experience that could compare as a male to the sensations felt experiencing my first true sissygasm, and the joy it brought me to know that I could finally cum like a Woman. It only brought me closer to the Women I'm able to share my sissylife with, which is so wonderful.

Dominant Women tend to have special places in Their world for Their sissy gurls, and the more you show them that you want to be in that place, the more you earn your way into that place, the more magical and wonderful it becomes to find yourself within it. For me there was no other logical choice. One could say being a sissy was my destiny...

 

Sincerely Sissy

Devina 

Milestone Moment in my Sissy Life: My First Real Sissygasm!

 Originally Posted Aug 15th 2020

 

I wanted to share this with everyone on Thursday, but to be honest, I was too swept up emotionally to put everything into proper context. The other afternoon something truly wondrous happened to me that created a new major moment in my sissylife: I experienced my first ever Female-like sissygasm!

Since discovering my inner sissy and recognizing the person that was Devina needed to grow out of the shell she had been kept in, the sissy journey I embarked on has been full of firsts and mind blowing experiences. I've been transformed, I've modelled, I've been fucked as a sissy girl by Transwomen, taken Shecock facials as Devina, started this blog, shared my secret moments and experiences as a sissy gurl with the world, and have proudly been a slut for more than one Shecock.

Every step along the way has only propelled me deeper towards wanting to experience the most personal and intimate feelings and sensations from a Feminine perspective and emotion as possible.In fact my entire sissy chastity journey has been based on a deep seated feeling that I had to completely put behind me any physical and sensual pleasure from any sort of male influenced perspective and begin a quest to see if I could learn how to achieve Womanly pleasure, in a physical, emotional, and physiological place as possible.

I've been so blessed to have Lady Diva, encouraging me every step along the way, and to know that She truly understood where my submissiveness was taking me; away from session based experiences and more towards deeper life altering experiences which have only deepened my submissive nature and has taught me to love Women on a level I never knew existed before.

 

At the heart of my desire to express Devina to the world, is the need to come out to more and more Women, to show them that a sissy has the capacity to love Women on a level far deeper than they might think. My self discovery as a sissy has always led towards the Female gauntlet of shock, surprise, ridicule, embarrassment, laughter, incredulousness, humiliation, and hopefully turn the corner to understanding, learning, and acceptance, and finally celebration of my sissylife. But for me, I needed to learn as best as I could what it meant to experience the magic of a Female orgasm. Could a sissy ever reprogram their original male biological settings to cast aside the impulses of immediate selfish gratification and all the icky traits and habits that go along with them, in order to tap into the Female spirit and consciousness to find the ever elusive Womanly sissygasm?

When I discovered that sissies could bring themselves to a hands free sissygasm by stimulation of their p-spot, I was wonderfully fascinated. I foolishly thought that such a thing could be easily achieved by any sissy but as many Women in the world struggle to achieve a Female orgasm, I always struggled mightily to bring myself to sissygasm; always coming close, feeling the wave build but never being able to let go mentally enough to let it wash over me. My mind was still preventing my body from changing how it experienced sensual and sexual pleasure. Something more drastic was needed. Sissy chastity

 

My sissy chastity journey wasn't a punishment at all but something I entered into on my own. I thought that extended long term chastity could be the key to ultimately reprogramming my mind to allow me to tap into the Feminine emotions, and empathy that was growing within Devina's personality, combined with a deeper understanding on how her submissiveness was changing who I was on a day to day level. I also knew that I couldn't cheat the process by using dildoes, monkey rockers, or fucking machines, because I needed to tap into the source of a Female orgasm, which starts in the mind. A Woman visualizes Her eventual orgasm based on mental images added to emotional desires which ultimately manifests in an intense physical wave of release that crashes on Her shores. THIS is what I wanted to achieve if I could!

When I began to experience sissy leaks with no physical stimulation of my locked sissy-clit or asspussy, it was a momentous event, and each time it happened I felt a beautiful rush of warm emotion, as I visualized Lady Diva or other Domme's in my life being there to see it and to visualize their smiles and see the satisfaction on their faces. Each sissy leak would have me repeating in my mind in Lady Diva's voice, " Good gurl! That's my lovely little sissy..." Perhaps I didn't even know it but I began to condition myself to associate a sissy leak with a Women's satisfaction in me. This has gone on all throughout my almost 1150 days now in sissy chastity.

 

As time has gone on now into 3 plus years of sissy chastity and only a could months away now from my 6th year of denial of Womanly sex, I've focused on the only sexual pleasure that I knew could bring me happiness and that was Shecock. It's been fascinating to experience the drastic drop off sexual physical stimulation from Women, simply knowing that I can't provide Them any physical pleasure with my locked sissy-clit. Yet as a sissy slut I can pleasure a Woman's strapon Shecock, and all manners of TGirl Shecock. As Lady Diva can attest to in O/our chats, Shecock is the driving force in my desires for physical pleasure and emotional satisfaction. The only pleasure I can hope to receive from any Woman is their acceptance of me as a sissy, or their amusement in how useless my sissy-clit now is, or in their satisfaction in my manners or performances as a sissy slut for their pleasure. The daily reprogramming of what constitutes pleasure, and emotional release has been a slow and steady one, even if the magical sissygasm continued to elude me.

Twice now, both times during morning dreams before awaking in the past few months I have experienced something unique. Both times involved rather vivid imagery of pleasuring Shecock when I have felt a sudden pulse inside my sissyclit. Similar to what I used to feel during an ejaculation, that first contraction. Both times it woke me, and both times I was amazed at what just happened, but no further contractions happened, nor did any leaks occur. Yet both times I felt an enormous sense of happiness in thinking that my mentally stimulating sexual imagery was creating a physical reaction in a way that a Woman might feel. The mind visualized and the body deep inside the p-spot region reacted, even as my sissyclit wasn't erect but just semi turgid. Neither time was that experience something that I was able to control with conscious thought but it made me so proud that somewhere deep within me, my mind was being reprogrammed to react instinctively towards Shecock now in a sexually satisfying way. I shared each experience with Lady Diva and W/we both marvelled at the experiences

 

But something magical happened Thursday afternoon. My goodness did it ever, and it involved conscious thought. My job requires me to sometimes travel to one of our offices within an hour or two radius from my city, and on Thursday afternoon I was driving back from one of them, when I noticed a twitter notification from an earlier tweet by Domme Lady Mila, and I was obliged to quickly pull over and respond and a quick twitter convo ensued.

I was happy to see Lady Diva engage by liking parts of O/our exchange, and I always am quick to give any credit to Her, when a Domme offers a compliment to me, as I'm merely the result of Her efforts. And with that small exchange, I had to pull onto the road again and carry on back to my office. I felt a sense of satisfaction knowing my pathetic little sissy-clit had amused Lady Mila, and a sense of pride swept over me that I was able to demonstrate how effective Lady Diva has been in crafting a well mannered sissy sub. My little sissy clit nub was admittedly awakened in my panties to it's semi turgid peak state, but since I was driving, there was no attention given to it, but my mind now was flooded with emotions and images of Lady Mila now laughing at my sissy clit. This then led to other visual images of reoccurring desires to be presented by Lady Diva in front of a gathering of Women (both into BDSM lifestyles and not) in my full sissy self for their pleasure and amusement. I suddenly was swept over with thoughts of inviting Women who are my FB friends to this sissy social, where I would greet them, then kiss their feet/shoes to welcome them, serve cocktails as they introduced themselves and began to feel comfortable as Lady Diva welcomed them all and began to explain what was to occur for their amusement. The amusement would be me in full sissy glory having my asspussy spread open and fucked by a beautiful TGirl, and alternating with any of the Women in attendance who wished to use a strapon Shecock on me as well.

 

Then it happened....as I was driving

A strong contraction in my sissy clit!

It snapped me out of the daydream I was having while still on the road as I suddenly was surprised and wondered what just happened? My sissy clit didn't get any harder inside the confines of my CB6000s but my entire pelvic region was getting warm and I was feeling flushed. I tried to calm myself down, breathe deeply and relax, also trying to refocus my mind away from the flood of imagery that had swept me up.

Two deep breaths and I tried to relax my now tense kegel muscles that I've leaned to understand their sensations when a natural sissy leak has occurred in the past with out any orgasmic like contractions. I thought I was calming down, but my mind couldn't remove itself from the Femdom sissy party in my head when suddenly...

Another twitch in my sissy clit! Then a second smaller one!

It was in a split second while travelling at 65 mph on the highway that I knew I was about to have my first Womanly sissygasm, and there was nothing I could do to stop it!

 

In wave after wave my sissyclit still mostly limp, began to pulse and I suddenly felt the warmth in my panties as my p-spot sissygasm swept over me all while driving! My sissyclit released uncontrollably for almost a mile and a half in an intense sissygasm that had me gripping the wheel of my car and looking down to see what kind of mess I had made in my lulu panties. As I felt my p-spot empty it continued to pulse and pulse like waves rippling and I was so excited, happy, embarrassed, and stunned all at the same time!

 

In my head all I could hear now were the party guests at Lady Diva's laughing, high fiving, cheering, and celebrating as their little sissy just made a cummie in her panties for Them. I struggled to find a place to pull over where I could discretely try and clean up as best I could. Pulling over in a small wooded drive approach I was able to see that my sissygasm was unlike any ejaculate I remembered having, as the wet was not like a cumshot but like a Woman who can squirt, with little to no scent.

 

Thankfully I was able to find some napkins in the car to clean my panties, which surprisingly had soaked up a large part of it, so my slacks only had 2 wet spots that I was able to dry off the best I could directing the car's vents to that area, while i composed myself to get back to my office. My mind was full scatterbrain, and has been for a day and a half.

For over 3 years, all I've ever wanted to do was to know that I could find the door to a Female-like sissygasm, and the only way I wanted it to happen was by being taken by a Woman or Transwoman's Shecock. That remains the only way I ever want to experience sex now, but I've discovered that I can create a sissygasm the same way a Woman does, and that starts in the mind.

You all have no idea how proud and happy this makes me as a sissy!

Love

Devina 

3300 Days in Sissy Chastity!

 Today I happily celebrate 3300 days in sissy chastity. The life changing effect that long term chastity has had on me is incomparable to other aspects of my sissy life's journey. I used to obsess over 25 day milestones, but now it's such a part of my day to day life, that hundreds of days can go by and I don't feel the need anymore to mark the signposts.

I love my sissy life completely absent of the ugliness of an old male like of wanking and spilling gross male seed in the world. I DO love my sissy leaks, dribbles, and wetting of my panties when my sissy brain obsesses over Shecock.

Overlooked by many is the reduction of stress in one's life when their brain never has to devote energy to how to "get off". 

Life is better Locked!  

Happy 9th Chastiversary to Me!

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