Often our subconscious thoughts are like the hand on a rudder of a ship, and in life when our conscious mind and subconscious mind are in conflict, it can lead to a lot of internal strife, anxiety, and stress. As a sissy we all learn quickly about this internal conflict, and if unable to resolve it, it leads many sissies to make bad choices in their sissy life's journey, or worse, to abandon their true inner feelings of self altogether.
Although the seeds of my sissy life were sown during events in my early youth, I can safely say I've spent over half of my life as an acknowledged practising sissy. I also think it's safe to say that the majority of us sissy gurls begin on a similar path of crossdressing first as a fetish (with unknown or unexplored reasons why we begin), and that a sizable number find themselves comfortable (for a while) to stay in that category. A smaller number choose to go deeper as we mature and begin to learn about the why's and how's of what our sissy journey means. Even smaller numbers discover their paths lie ahead in gender transformation, etc..
The deeper we go into our sissy journey, inevitably we are confronted with what I call our emasculated male ego, or EME for short. This is a vile creature that lurks inside every sissy, and unless confronted and dealt with, it will be the cause of much chaos in a sissies life.
Horrible feelings of guilt and anxiety about your Feminine expressions? That's the EME
Encountering the feelings to do the dreaded sissy wardrobe purge? That's your EME
Feeling the deeper you go down your sissy road, that you can "Stop this at any time" ? That's your EME
Denial over your changing needs, desires, and basic urges? That's your EME
And so on, and so on etc..
Confronting your EME and it's eventual evisceration will be the biggest challenge and sissy faces in their journey, whether one realizes this at the time of reading this or not. Your EME will have you go about your daily life thinking it's in control, and will allow you all the ugly habits, thoughts and behaviours of your arrogant, chauvinistic male pig life. You may think of yourself as respectful and well mannered but you still harbour thoughts and your subconscious mind drives you to see Women in your day to day vanilla life as "conquests"or "prizes" etc..
This disgusting behaviour is at complete odds with your sissy life that demands you to see Women as Goddesses, who are superior and unattainable in any way.
See the conflict? Experienced the chaos it brings?
Who do you fix it?
I have fought this battle and in my experience, there are three things essential to winning. Acceptance, Honesty and Female Dominance. Accept who you are as a sissy. Be honest with yourself as a sissy. Finally, find and devote yourself to a Dominant Woman and be honest with Her about all your feelings, including the internal conflicts. Only then with you begin to eradicate your EME and begin to transform yourself from within, and eventually harmonize your conscious and subconscious mind.
When that change begins, your sissy journey will begin to take you places and reveal wonders you could have never imagined on your own!
Which brings me to this mornings thoughts rolling through my subconscious sissy brain as I was sleeping. Thanks to the many years spent under the guiding big Sisterly like hand of Lady Diva (and Lady Morganna before Her and still), Her constant positive reinforcement, encouragement, and training as a submissive sissy, who is not only submissive to Women, but fully sexually and spiritually submissive to Trans Women, has helped me accept and completely transform my sexuality, to finally align both sides of my conscious and subconscious mind.
Combined with years spent in sissy chastity and being happily pussy free for 11+ years, my wants and needs as a sissy when it comes to sexual, and emotional satisfaction revolve around bottoming for Shecock (Female strapons and/or the beautiful real thing).
I can't tell you the last time I looked at a beautiful Woman and thought to myself, like I once did many years ago, " Oooh I'd like to take down that!"
Those thoughts simply don't happen anymore, and haven't for years now. I look at Women, admire their beauty, their wardrobe, makeup and hair, etc and say to myself " How do I become that pretty?!?"
And this morning my subconscious mind was feeding me sexually explicit thoughts of sucking on a beautiful TGirl's cock in all it's glory and feeling Her hot cum explode onto my sissy face. And in my still sleeping moments, it dawned on me moments before I awoke, as to how my entire existence as a sissy has been transformed to align as one.
It's taken years to arrive here, and I have so much farther to go, but for any sissy who reads this who has yet to come to terms with themselves, and has yet to deal with their own EME, I can assure you, doing so as quickly as possible will only benefit you as a whole. You owe it to that Female spirit that has been inside you for so long.
Become who you always have been meant to be, without shame, without guilt, and with Women as your guide.
Sincerely Sissy
Devina