While my first experience with a Dominatrix was unlike anything I ever experienced before in my young adult life, I came away unsure as to if it was something that fit into my desires in a way that I could indulge myself in. Some of the sensations and experiences were definitely stimulating, however I think looking back at the time, that my impressions were that the corporal punishment and physical pain portion of BDSM were too much for what my interests really were. At that time I had no idea how BDSM was like a multi-faceted diamond, and that one could choose to dive into the areas that interested them. Back then I thought that all experiences would be pretty much like what I went through with Mistress Morganna, and I wasn't sure if that was for me or not? I had so much to learn on that front, and even though my impressions going away were less than 100% positive, it didn't stop my curiosity of learning more about BDSM, and my new budding curiosity... the world of Shemales
I can't recall the first time I walked into an adult video store with the intent to specifically buy a Shemale porn video, but I do recall the anxiety I felt when I decided I was going to buy one. I included it with a couple of straight videos as well as a couple of magazines, including the new Kinky Times that was out. When I got it home I remember watching it intently and while some of the TGirls weren't at the level of passibility seen in today's beauties, some of them were unnaturally hot and attractive.
Also in the new edition of Kinky Times magazine was a local ad for a Shemale escort, Diamond. Her face was obscured but her body looked extremely Feminine. Now I had a local avenue for my curiosity as my small collection of Shemale porn expanded a bit at a time. I was nowhere near able to start stringing together my now dormant love of women's clothing, my experiment in BDSM, and now my emerging curiosity in Shemales, but what I did know is that for a young man of 20 yrs old, my horizons were expanding most likely far beyond those my age, and I did enjoy the fact that my interests were becoming diverse.
What I struggled with at first was how I viewed what a Shemale was to me. Some people see Shemales, TGirls, and transgendered girls as "guys in a dress", whereas perhaps based on my own experiences with my attraction at a young age to women's clothing, and my comfort level with much of my experimentation up until my being discovered, I didn't view the Shemales I was seeing on the TV screen and in the magazines as 'male' at all. To me they represented something different, something unique. I could somehow relate on some unknown level to their transformation, even though I couldn't relate to the idea of being with a man whatsoever.
But what I was becoming increasingly aware of, was my own curiosity of wondering what it would be like to be with a Transexual, and the exotic forbidden idea of what it would be like to have Shecock cock in my mouth. With each new issue of Kinky Times Magazine, and each time I would see Diamond's ad in the backpages of the local paper, my curiosity was growing. Just as it did with my BDSM experience, something inside me knew that when I was ready, I would succumb to this urge to experiment just like in the past. It was as if the Silk Trap still had me in it's twisted clutches....
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