Originally Posted Oct 26, 2019
Today marked 850 days since I made a quiet commitment to deepen my submissiveness to heights unimaginable and pledged to shatter the boundaries of what I had achieved in sissy chastity. There was no loud proclamation to Lady Diva, or no ego driven claims on social media. None of that took place. I simply wanted to prove to myself that as in every other aspect of my sissy life that has been under the guidance of Lady Diva, Mistress Morganna (Lady M) before Her, that I could achieve something rewarding to Them both and every other influential Domme I have had the pleasure of meeting, sessioning, and communicating with.
There was a time, and I remember it well, where I could not possibly understand why anyone would undergo chastity. That was back when my male ego was very healthy, very toxic, and thought it had "my kinks" well under control. But today, Lady Diva reminded me, that Lady M began to fuck that male ego out of my psyche with Her strapon. One inch, one thrust, one lesson at a time.
You never forget the first time you surrender to a Woman's cock. You can never go back from that moment. You can either fight a war within yourself where your once manly ego is filled with denial, or you can begin to accept what brought you to that place at the end of a Woman's cock. It's not something that happens easily, and it can take a long time. The world of kink, and BDSM is filled with traps, and pitfalls if you aren't able to get in touch with your inner feelings and emotions. It's even more difficult to find a Domme that is willing and experienced enough to see your potential, guide you to a place where you can discover the real you, and then be gracious enough to create a space where you can finally grow.
Accepting that there was a Feminine sissy inside of me that needed to be set free was a massive truth bomb to myself, but once detonated, it created a whole new opening to a world I couldn't dream of, even in my most bizarre fantasies at that time. As Day 850 in sissy chastity winds down, I once again am filled with floods of thought and reflection on my journey. Where it began, the twists and turns along the way, and those major moments or forks in the road where I had to make hard choices..
My path to Shecock was the culmination of what I thought was back then, a series of of unconnected life experiences, going back to childhood. Looking back now, I can slowly connect all the little dots to the bigger dots to eventually the major sign posts. It's a fascinating look back into my own life to ask oneself why my relationships with any of the Women in my life previous to & embracing my sissy life, always felt off, awkward, or that there was always something missing. My love for Women was never in question, but my fulfillment of being around their energy was always different. Not noticeable to the outside world, but always noticeable to me. As Lady Diva and I would discuss much later on, it was why I truly see myself as a sissy lesbian, and know it to be true in my soul.
But when my budding sissy life, my insatiable growing love of Shecock, and my true submissive nature finally began to come together as one, that's when the mental, and physiological changes began to occur and put me on the path I am on now.
Lady Diva encouraged me to find a place where I could express myself as who I was, and what brought me joy and that was as Devina, a bottom sissy for Shecock, both Trans and Female. Each time Devina has opened her asspussy up for Shecock, it's an affirmation that this is who I was meant to be, and that affirmation has now extended far beyond the physical realm and into the emotional and spiritual ones as well. What sissy chastity has brought to me now is the opportunity or clarity, in eliminating the old urges of my old self. With no time out rewards, or permissions to cum via the old habits of masturbation, I've discovered what gifts a sissy can give back to those who nurture her.
Every single day, I can proudly give Lady Diva, Lady M, Maitresse Cathie, and every other amazing Domme in any aspect of my sissy life the gift of Them knowing they have completely changed a once arrogant male chauvinistic pig into a Shecock loving sissy cum slut, who no longer has any desire to achieve personal sexual gratifications, without being taken by Shecock for Their pleasure. What drips out of my sissyclit is of no importance to anyone, except the personal pride of experiencing sissy leaks, fully limp as a sissy should. I beam with warmth knowing the Lady Diva, if She chooses, can speak of my devotion with a sense of pride, and an assurance of knowing She has trained me, and remade me to not stray, because the guilt of knowing would be too much. Even when I can't serve before Her, She holds my submission each and every day.
What is of no use to me in my locked and shrinking sissy clit is the only real gift of value that I have to Her and all Dominant Women. It's an amazing place to find oneself in. It truly is. The best part is that Day 851 begins tomorrow... Happy Locktober, bring on Nocumber!
Sincerely Sissy
Devina Cox